what are ways you ground yourself and become comfortable socially in large groups of strangers?
Timeline
Post
Remote status
Replies
44I know I'm safe, but I don't feel safe for whatever reason
@kernow running away (don't take this as advice)
@kernow dont worry about it
I enjoy these people's company, I'm glad to be there, but I'm on guard and mentally shutting down. how do I stop this
@kernow practice detachment, start seeing that you're actually by yourself.
As a teenager I got rid of my public fear by volunteering to run an jrotc awards ceremony while [redacted] because if you turn it into a fetish then you can conquer it
@tyler this isn't fear. I'm not afraid of talking to people. I'm just noticing I'm guarding myself, withdrawing and giving hostile body language instead of open and inviting body language
remember your own mortality and that nothing happening moment to moment or concerning the individual actually matters and that the greatest value lies in vibing and making sure people have a pleasant time
I am saying turn the uncomfortableness into a fetish to be conquered. This may or may not be good advice, i am going insane dealing with this washer machine.
@tyler have you thought about having sex with the washing machine
@MK2boogaloo @kernow he said he likes their company and endorsing detachment is just generally whiny and annoying to see.
Sometimes I motivate myself to do chores around the house or fix things by imagining myself as my wife's sex slave where I might have a chance if I do these things, although that part is not dependent on my performance elsewhere, I do still fetishize it because it improves my day to day performance
@kernow If you're looking for advice to follow based on the practice of others, i honestly wouldn't advise doing what i do.
I just disassociate, thats it. Get lost in my own head, only talk to people if they talk to me and i guess sometimes i get lucky and get locked into a conversation that I'm actually interested in. Typically I'm usually dragged to these events and i typically don't care how i come across so i guess there really isn't any grounding going on unless i get overwhelmed, bored or just don't want to be there, so i just end up hanging out outside. Again i understand this comes across a certain way, i just don't think there's any benefit in giving a damn.
I just disassociate, thats it. Get lost in my own head, only talk to people if they talk to me and i guess sometimes i get lucky and get locked into a conversation that I'm actually interested in. Typically I'm usually dragged to these events and i typically don't care how i come across so i guess there really isn't any grounding going on unless i get overwhelmed, bored or just don't want to be there, so i just end up hanging out outside. Again i understand this comes across a certain way, i just don't think there's any benefit in giving a damn.
Stop caring what people think of you.
@matty I don't and never have. how do you relax in unfamiliar environments
well, that's a loaded question. What makes it unfamiliar?
I don't. I don't go around people I don't know. I don't go to parties or gatherings or whatever. Can't understand people who do.
Make small talk. Simple questions.
@Omega_Variant @matty yeah I'm doing the basics. I'm still shutting down and getting quiet. How do I fix this
Idk nigga. Kinda hard to fight your nature.
Practice makes perfect I suppose, I doubt it will just all come at once.
Any of them seem interested in what you are interested in? May take an intuitive person to dig at you and get you talking more. That how I get quiet people to talk. I dig until I find something they like to talk about.
Practice makes perfect I suppose, I doubt it will just all come at once.
Any of them seem interested in what you are interested in? May take an intuitive person to dig at you and get you talking more. That how I get quiet people to talk. I dig until I find something they like to talk about.
@kernow keep cutwater on you at all times so you're never sober at functions like this
@kernow alcohol or kratom honestly
And then the chore wears you out to the point where you tell her you're too tired
@kernow people that you've spent a lot of time with in various situations before?
Just try to do it. If you are comfortable you arent changing. You cant run a marathon with no practice, you also cant be a ham with no practice. Its not going to be an overnight endeavor, just try to stay the same or even 1% better every time.
@kernow I can't handle big groups unless I'm doing my host routine. Smaller ones I can relax, but fundamentally I'm in performance mode for big ones unless I very personally know everyone
@kernow Martial arts, repetitive voluntary exposure, drugs.
There are many solutions to this particular problem.
I think it's silly how awkward and anxious I was socially when I was younger, it doesn't matter really.
There are many solutions to this particular problem.
I think it's silly how awkward and anxious I was socially when I was younger, it doesn't matter really.
@kernow
Last time that happened was the first time I was at my church. Not a very normal examle, even now it's obvious that everyone there makes a very conscios effort to be social. Three seperate persons made a point to come and talk to me so I was spared the pressure od needing to intrusive myself. As I kept coming though I would inteoduce myself robmany persons after liturgy as we all ate. As I said everyone was making a point to be social so it's a aimple as sitting down in an empty seet and saying my name. Even the few times I have ended uo sitting alone someone else came uo to me. Everyone there obviously has an interest in Christianity so that's a free conversatiib topic, and that's basically the most practical advice I can give. Presumably if you're at a congregation you're there for the same reason as most everyone else, so ask them about whatever thing has brought you together to get the conversation started.
Last time that happened was the first time I was at my church. Not a very normal examle, even now it's obvious that everyone there makes a very conscios effort to be social. Three seperate persons made a point to come and talk to me so I was spared the pressure od needing to intrusive myself. As I kept coming though I would inteoduce myself robmany persons after liturgy as we all ate. As I said everyone was making a point to be social so it's a aimple as sitting down in an empty seet and saying my name. Even the few times I have ended uo sitting alone someone else came uo to me. Everyone there obviously has an interest in Christianity so that's a free conversatiib topic, and that's basically the most practical advice I can give. Presumably if you're at a congregation you're there for the same reason as most everyone else, so ask them about whatever thing has brought you together to get the conversation started.
@kernow @Omega_Variant @matty
I'm still moatly quiet in group conversations. It's okay. Just wait until you have somethong to say, you don't need to fix not talking much.
I'm still moatly quiet in group conversations. It's okay. Just wait until you have somethong to say, you don't need to fix not talking much.
