i think i just need to completely give up on doing something cool and just relax and do what i should do and even if i were to end up doing something cool again, it would only be by the grace of god/the universe and only after having absolutely no expectation of doing something cool. i should just do my often banal duties as best as i can and find joy in the pleasures i have been provided regardless how mundane they may be
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@shibao fuck (literal) bitches (metaphorical), get money.
@pwm see that amount of hedonism has always just felt very bad to me. eudaimonia perhaps at the very least, but i just have a hard time accepting the hedonism. it probably has something about puritan inspired baptist upbringing but also spiritual yoke. maybe i took the traditional baptist view of "if you're gay then you just can't ever experience the fruits of god's creation because you're not straight! so you gotta be celibate and never ever have desires or urges because that would be lust and simply just accept the yoke that you have been given." but even after rejecting that i still have yokes.
@shibao maybe I've given up (I've totally given up lmao), but the only fulfilment I get from work is being good at it. Doesn't really matter what. I derive more satisfaction from people.
@pwm you're 1000% underemployed you don't get to say that